Lachlan R.J. Stewart-McDougall(Smacl)

"Smacl"

 Smacl is a 17 year old student, socialite, fast food worker, singer, and writer from Geelong, Australia. He uses the alias "Smacl" to keep his identity hidden, as some of his other occupations are somewhat dubious in nature. 

Smacl was born on 19 October 1991. His mother is a librarian and nurse, and his father is a Computer Systems Administrator working for one of Australia's largest companies. On the day he was born, Geelong Goal was closed, fuelling speculation that he would never be caught up in the system. This has proven true so far, as he has never attended a school, and will be completing his year 12 studies at home.

At the age of 18 months, he went into the family bathroom and poured talcum powder all over himself and the room. This was not appreciated by his mother, however his father found it quite funny and proceeded to take many photographs of the occasion. His grandfather was a designer for Ford Australia, and General Manager of Fords in Geelong. Because of his grandfather's passion for Fords, and his brilliant brainwashing techniques, Smacl knew how to say the word Ford before he could say "mum".

When he turned 3, his life suddenly took a turn in another direction. He started modelling childrens clothes, such as the highly fashionable knitted blue sweater, and the red cord pants of the early 90's. However after he turned 5, it became clear that his irresistibly cute good looks would not last much longer. Therefore, his modelling career was left in tatters. He would have to find another path in life.

His education began at an early age, and by the age of 4 Smacl was reading the local newspaper and commenting on sociopolitical issues, often in much greater detail than his own father. His mathematical capabilities could not keep up with his English skills however, and since then he has left math to sit on the wayside. He is currently studying year 12, and is very much looking forward to finishing.

As a sportsman, Smacl was never incredibly gifted. He played cricket for 8 years, until he turned 14, but his batting average was 2.2, and his bowling was limited to off spin bowled off 2 steps. He did however have a change in fortune in his last year, which saw him open the batting in a premiership year, to finish with an average of 15. He has 5 trophies, and 2 premiership medals. Since then he has actively followed AFL and cricket, and enjoys watching his beloved Cats play at their home ground.

Smacl's social life did not fully flourish until he was 15. As a young child, he was always the naive immature one in the pack, who loved toy cars and train sets. From the ages of 7 upwards, he was very shy and was very slow in making friends. When he turned 15, after he had lost a large amount of excess weight, his self confidence flourished. He became louder, and his leadership potential came out in full.

Musically, Smacl believes he is very gifted. He once played guitar, but gave up on it. His singing voice however is fantastic. He will quite often burst out in song. "Tainted Love" and "You Raise Me Up" are two favourites of his. His favourite time to sing is while working, or while on a bus. Often you can find him in the midst of a singing bus, driver and all. He has great plans for his singing career, however for some reason the only path to success he can find is Australian Idol.

With regard to work, Smacl has always enjoyed the greatest of success in his workplace. His first job was as a security gaurd, protecting a truck loaded with smallgoods. His first payslip was from Ferrari, as they were the employers in this situation. A year later he got a job as a heavy goods handler for an Op Shop in Geelong, however he did not find it challenging enough. After 6 months of unemployment, he walked into a fast food restaraunt inquiring about a job. 2 hours later, he was on the payroll. Since then he has not looked back, with burger times faster than ever, and a boss who is gracious enough to let him pour his heart out in song while working.

Smacl joined the Australian Air Force Cadets at the age of 13 and continues to this present day. He is about to go on his second promotion course, and hopes to become Cadet Commander of his unit in January 2010. He has attended many tens of camps with the AAFC, and is extremely passionate about it. He has made many friendships through cadets, and says he "hopes that they will last longer, perhaps even for a lifetime".

He is politically aligned as a conservative, loyal nationalist. He believes burning the flag should be a crime, and is extremely passionate about his country. He plans to join a political party when he turns 18, and possibly become involved in local politics, possibly council. 

The future ambitions of Smacl are quite complex. He plans to join the RAAF as an officer, and to continue a career in politics. Failing that, he would like to be a lawyer or manager, and continue into politics. Failing all that, a spot in the top 40 of Australian Idol would do quite nicely. He plans to study a Bachelor of Arts in Politics at university, however given his academic levels, he may find it quite challenging.

Overall, Smacl can be described as a loud, generally happy, overprotective, blunt, jealous, silly, immature, music loving, caring, and passionate person. His friends have been quoted as saying "Smacl is a freak", and "I wish he would just shut up sometimes". Some bewildered young people have even been quoted as saying that he is much too overfriendly. Generally however, he is loved by his friends, even though he knows and they know he is a total loser.

He is very optimistic about his future, and as such is putting his musical and writing talents into work, and will write a song about his plans. A link to this will be posted as soon as it becomes available.